Can you even believe it? I have worked out 7 out of the last 7 days and have no plans to stop any time soon. I am not sure if that has ever happened! There was a long streak of activity (seriously, like sixty days or something) back in 2015 where I met the goals my FitBit set for me before I got pregnant with Hayes, but ever since then I haven’t been able to stick with anything. Nothing. Nada.
And trust me, I’ve tried it all. Cleanses, detoxes, group workouts, gyms, virtual coaching, nutrition challenges. In the last 3 years I’ve signed up for anything and everything I could throw time and money into just in case it would be the ONE thing that would stick. But nothing ever did. Sure, there were bouts of success where I hit small fitness goals or shed a few pounds, but nothing could ever outlast my worst enemy: myself.
I had to get over myself and out of my own way if I was ever going to see light at the end of this tunnel. After months of wrestling with my emotions and looking for the root cause behind my constant “failures,” I finally I think I’ve figured it out. I certainly do not think I am going to go headstrong into 100 out of 100 days of this new workout without waivering, but there is one thing I am not going to let get in the way. No longer will I allow myself to give into the feeling of unworthiness.
For the longest time I have felt unworthy. I have felt less than, left out, and left behind in so many aspects of life. I’ve battled depression and anxiety, and raged an internal battle always feeling like I was letting everyone around me down. I’ve hated my body, belittled my accomplishments, and felt small about my contributions to the world. It seems silly to say out loud knowing how blessed our lives have been, and I have not taken the goodness of God for granted even one second the last several years. Yet I am addressing this because I am sure I am not the only one feeling as if somehow we don’t deserve the goodness that comes our way. I know first hand how hard it is hard to make positive change when you don’t even see yourself as deserving.
But let me tell you, friend, you are deserving. You are worthy. Your life is of value. Not because of what you do, but because of who you are as a child of God. No matter past short comings, mistakes, and regrets, there is always hope for a future that is good. If God can know everything about you and still love you, if he can call you his own and send his son to die for you, you can rest assured that you are loved and deserving of love. Sometimes that has to start within.
For me, learning to love myself means taking better care of my body and mind. I am picking up healthy habits like workout routines, better nutrition, reading and quiet time. I’m also stepping away from unhealthy habits like Instagram, guilt inducing eating, and negative self talk. It isn’t going to be easy. Change is not going to happen overnight in my mind or my body, but I think I am finally ready to put in the work that is needed. This part will look different for everyone but there is one thing that is for sure:
If you truly want to make a change within yourself, you can do it. And you certainly don’t have to do it alone.